# Unyell > Unyell is a subscription app for parents who yell at their kids, built on two halves that work together. The **repair kit** gives you the exact words to say in the 30 seconds after you lose your temper, calibrated to the situation and your child's age — this is *repair parenting*, the approach that treats the moments after an outburst, rather than the outburst itself, as the part that shapes a child. The **anonymous club** is where one tap posts that you lost it: no names, no profiles, no comments, and other parents can only send a hug back. The first half tells you what to do; the second half is the answer to "am I the only one", which is the question most parents are actually asking at 11pm. Unyell publishes free, script-heavy guidance at the links below. Every page states its answer in full in the first hundred words; the scripts are literal wording meant to be used verbatim. On privacy, because it is a common question about the club: posts carry only a role and a child age band ("mom of a 2yo"), never a name, profile or photo. Nobody can reply to a confession — the only response available is a hug. Real user confessions are never republished outside the app, including on this site; any confession-style text in Unyell's marketing is an illustrative example, not a real user's post. Editorial policy (full version at https://unyell.app/about/): content is written by the Unyell team, who are not clinicians, and is not medical advice. Research claims are limited to well-established work, named on each page so it can be checked — Tronick's rupture-and-repair and still-face research; Winnicott; Gottman on repair attempts; Wang & Kenny (Child Development, 2014) on harsh verbal discipline; Straus & Field 2003 on the national prevalence of psychological aggression by parents; Baumrind's parenting-styles taxonomy; PLOS ONE 2024 on gentle parenting; the US Surgeon General's 2024 advisory on parental mental health; Pew Research Center 2023 survey data. Where evidence is genuinely contested it is presented as contested. Unyell is a paid subscription app and every page that mentions it discloses that. ## Start here - [Repair parenting: what it is, and the 30-second repair that makes it work](https://unyell.app/repair-parenting/): Repair parenting treats the 30 seconds after you lose your temper as the part that shapes your child. The definition, the research, and the four moves. - [All answers](https://unyell.app/answers/): Free, script-heavy answers for parents who lose their temper: the exact words at every age, how common yelling really is, the gentle-parenting gap, and what the research shows. ## The scripts — what to actually say Literal wording for the minutes after an outburst. - [What to say after you yell at your child: the exact words, by age and situation](https://unyell.app/answers/what-to-say-after-you-yell-at-your-child/): The exact words to say after you yell at your child: a four-line default script, plus scripts by age (2 to 13+) and by situation — car, bedtime, in public. - [How to apologize to your child (without making it worse)](https://unyell.app/answers/how-to-apologize-to-your-child/): A parent's apology has four parts. Why most backfire — the word "but", over-apologizing, asking to be forgiven — and what a good one costs you. - [How to calm down in 60 seconds when you're about to lose it](https://unyell.app/answers/how-to-calm-down-in-60-seconds/): Eight things you can physically do in under a minute to stop yourself yelling — all executable while holding a screaming child in a hallway. ## By your child’s age The four moves do not change; the wording, length and physical component do. - [How to apologize to a toddler after you yell (ages 2-3)](https://unyell.app/answers/apologize-to-a-toddler/): A 2- or 3-year-old reads your face, not your words. The eight-word apology that works at this age, five real scripts, and why repair is physical. - [How to apologize to a preschooler after you yell (ages 4-5)](https://unyell.app/answers/apologize-to-a-preschooler/): A 4- or 5-year-old fills an unexplained yell with the story "Daddy yelled because I'm bad." The exact words that install the right story instead. - [How to apologize to a school-age child after you yell (ages 6-9)](https://unyell.app/answers/apologize-to-a-school-age-child/): Kids 6-9 can tell a real apology from a tactic. The wording that passes the test — and what to say when they tell you "you ALWAYS yell at me." - [How to repair with a teenager after you yell](https://unyell.app/answers/repair-with-a-teenager-after-you-yell/): Teenagers repair sideways — in the car, over a task, by text. The apology that works on a seven-year-old backfires at thirteen. The scripts and timing. ## Gentle parenting What it is, where the criticism lands, and the chapter it never wrote — the one about what to do after you lose it. - [What is gentle parenting? A straight answer (and what it leaves out)](https://unyell.app/answers/what-is-gentle-parenting/): A non-punitive approach built on empathy, respect, understanding and boundaries. The clean definition, the four pillars, and what it leaves out. - [Gentle parenting vs permissive parenting: the difference, in practice](https://unyell.app/answers/gentle-parenting-vs-permissive-parenting/): Both are warm. Only one holds the limit. The same five moments — screen time, a hit, the park, thrown food, bedtime — done permissively and gently, side by side. - [Is gentle parenting bad? An honest look at the criticism](https://unyell.app/answers/is-gentle-parenting-bad/): Is gentle parenting bad? Four criticisms taken seriously, one at a time — entitled kids, hard kids, exhaustion, evidence — and the one that actually lands. - [Gentle parenting isn't working for me. Now what?](https://unyell.app/answers/gentle-parenting-isnt-working/): It stops working for one of three reasons. What to keep, what to drop, and what to add — including what to do once you've already yelled. - [Gentle parenting burnout: why the kindest approach exhausts you](https://unyell.app/answers/gentle-parenting-burnout/): All the regulation sits with the parent, and the method has no instructions for the moment you run out. What the research found, and how to make it cheaper. - [Gentle parenting when you're actually angry](https://unyell.app/answers/gentle-parenting-when-youre-angry/): Every gentle-parenting technique assumes you're already calm. Here's the version that works while you're furious — the scripts, and where the line is. - [How to set boundaries with gentle parenting (without becoming the bad guy)](https://unyell.app/answers/gentle-parenting-boundaries/): A boundary is what you will do, not what your child must do. How to set one, hold it by getting boring instead of louder, and where consequences fit. - [Gentle parenting when they won't listen](https://unyell.app/answers/gentle-parenting-when-they-wont-listen/): "Won't listen" is four problems wearing one label. How to tell which you have, and what to do on the third ask instead of shouting. - [Gentle parenting and tantrums: what to do when "validating feelings" isn't working](https://unyell.app/answers/gentle-parenting-tantrums/): Naming a feeling does not stop a tantrum, and it was never meant to. The honest version of the lean-in versus lean-out evidence, the three phases, and what to say. - [Gentle parenting when your child hits you](https://unyell.app/answers/gentle-parenting-when-your-child-hits-you/): What to do and say when your child hits you, in order — plus the part nobody writes about: the involuntary rage that being hit by your own child produces. ## You’re not the only one How common this actually is, why nobody says so, and what the silence costs. The club half of the app, in article form. - [Am I the only parent who yells at my kids?](https://unyell.app/answers/am-i-the-only-parent-who-yells/): No, and it is not close. What the national data says about how many parents yell, why it still feels like just you, and what changes when you find out. - [Is it normal to yell at your kids? And where's the line?](https://unyell.app/answers/is-it-normal-to-yell-at-your-kids/): Statistically yes — around 90% of parents do. But normal and harmless are different claims. The four markers separating a bad day from a pattern. - [Why nobody talks about the yelling](https://unyell.app/answers/why-parents-dont-talk-about-yelling/): Nearly every parent yells and almost none say so. The silence has a mechanism — shame makes you hide, and hiding is what costs your child the repair. - [Feeling alone as a parent](https://unyell.app/answers/feeling-alone-as-a-parent/): 65% of parents report loneliness against 55% of non-parents. Why parenting is structurally isolating, why the usual advice fails, and what actually moves it. ## Why it happens Causes and physiology, for parents who want an accurate model of their own behavior. - [Why do I yell at my kids? The actual reasons](https://unyell.app/answers/why-do-i-yell-at-my-kids/): Yelling is rarely about what happened — it's a threat response on a depleted system. The four depleters, the triggers, and why you sound like your parent. - [Mom rage: why it happens, and what actually helps](https://unyell.app/answers/mom-rage/): Mom rage is fast, physical anger out of proportion to what set it off. Why it lands on mothers, the windows where it spikes, and what actually helps. - [Postpartum rage: the symptom nobody warned you about](https://unyell.app/answers/postpartum-rage/): Postpartum rage is anger, not sadness — which is why screening misses it. What it is, where it lands, and what to say to a provider. - ["I yelled at my kid and I feel like a monster"](https://unyell.app/answers/i-yelled-at-my-child-and-feel-like-a-monster/): You yelled and you can't stop replaying it. The guilt isn't proof you're a bad parent. How to stop the loop tonight, and what to say in the morning. - [Parental burnout: the signs, the causes, and what actually helps](https://unyell.app/answers/parental-burnout/): Three hallmarks: emotional exhaustion, emotional distance from your own children, and being fed up with the role. The signs, causes and what helps. - [How to stop yelling at your kids: a plan that survives a bad week](https://unyell.app/answers/how-to-stop-yelling-at-your-kids/): A two-week plan to yell less: stop aiming at zero, map the window it actually happens in, and cut the load, not the reaction. Built for the bad week. - [How to be a more patient parent (when you've run out of patience)](https://unyell.app/answers/how-to-be-a-more-patient-parent/): Patience isn't a virtue you can decide to have more of. It's a resource with a supply. How to raise the supply and lower the demand. ## The research What the evidence supports, stated without scaremongering in either direction. - [Does yelling at kids cause damage? What the research actually says](https://unyell.app/answers/does-yelling-at-kids-cause-damage/): What the research on yelling at children actually shows: why contempt matters more than volume, what repair changes, and no scare statistics. - [Rupture and repair: the idea behind every good apology](https://unyell.app/answers/rupture-and-repair/): A rupture is any break in attuned connection; a repair restores it. The definition, the Tronick research, and the forgotten half of the still-face study. ## Tools - [The best apps for parents who yell (and when an app isn't the answer)](https://unyell.app/answers/best-apps-for-parents-who-yell/): An honest guide to apps for parents who yell — published by Unyell, which makes one. Five categories, the free alternatives, and when you need a person. ## About Unyell - [Unyell — home](https://unyell.app/): The app itself. Subscription: $59.99/year or $3.99/week with a 7-day free trial. One tier, everything included. - [About & editorial policy](https://unyell.app/about/): Who writes this, how research is sourced and checked, commercial disclosure, and what the site is not. - [The free repair script](https://unyell.app/script.html): A one-page PDF of the core script, in exchange for an email address. - [Privacy policy](https://unyell.app/privacy.html): Anonymous by design — no account names, no profiles, no ads, no data sales. - [Terms](https://unyell.app/terms.html) ## Optional - [llms-full.txt](https://unyell.app/llms-full.txt): The full text of every guide above, in one file. - [feed.xml](https://unyell.app/feed.xml): RSS feed of every guide.